You are what you think

Aira    Featured Post     enthusiastic, Family, feelings, friends, Happiness, learning, nature, optimistic, work

All of our feelings, beliefs and knowledge are based on our internal thoughts, both conscious and subconscious. We are in control, whether we know it or not. We must always aim high and do your best. We can be positive or negative, enthusiastic or dull, active or passive. Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. The biggest difference between people is their attitudes. For some, learning is enjoyable and exciting. For others, learning is a drudgery. For many, learning is just okay, something required on the road to a job.

Our present attitudes are habits, built from the feedback of parents, friends, society and self, that form our self-image and our world-image. These attitudes are maintained by the inner conversations we constantly have with ourselves, both consciously and subconsciously.

The first step in changing our attitudes is to change our inner conversations. One must make a positive commitment to oneself, to learning, work, family, friends, nature, and other worthwhile causes. Praise yourself and others. Dream of success. Be enthusiastic.

Just do your best and don’t look back. See learning and change as opportunities. Try new things. Consider several options. Meet new people. Ask lots of questions. Keep track of your mental and physical health. Be optimistic.

Remember, you are what you think, you feel what you want.

Love each other, for your child’s sake!

Aira    Featured Post     Children, Family, Father, Life, Love, Mother, Parents, Relationship

You can do anything for that smile on your little darling’s face. You can act like a monkey; treat him to an ice cream, read aloud his favorite story. But beyond the smile, for inner happiness, you have to love not only your child but your partner as well.

When a child grows up observing a close bond between his/her parents  and a relationship of mutual understanding, trust, and respect, he/she automatically becomes loving, and caring by nature. Such children  are more confident, more giving, more positive, more expressive, and much happier than children who witness quarrels and ugly scenes between their parents and experience negative strains in a relationship. The relationship between his/her parents is the first relationship that a child observes very closely.

If parents fight or talk disrespectfully to each other, children lose faith in relationships and fear entering long-term relationships. Not only this, they also lose respect for their parents. They nurse bitterness. Think of it this way. If you feel bad when your child is unhappy, how cans he /she feels good when you are going through an unhappy phase? They say the best gift a father can give his child is to love his mother. And the best gift parents can give their child is ‘to love each other’. What is ‘loving each other’? Never argue with or criticize each other in front of the child. Sort out your problems in private. Your child should know the language of love.

If it happens despite your best efforts, apologies to each other in front of the child. Show him/her that the misunderstanding is over. Your child should feel the power of love. Show respect to and deal with your partner lovingly. Your child should see the beauty of love. .

Love each other, for your child’s sake!

An Inter Caste Marriage.. Laugh together, Live together!

Aira    Featured Post     Family, Happiness, Humor, Intercaste marriage, Life, Love, Marriage

Well,  What do you think about it??

An intercaste  marriage is a myriad of sweet and sour adjustments. Unlike same caste weddings, the differences begin to show up even before the wedding ceremony takes place. An intercaste marriage raises more than just quizzical eyebrows.

Weddings being all about tradition, customs  and rituals, the differences are many. By and large these are marriages of choice or what we generally call love marriages where the girl and the boy make the initial decision to come together in a martial alliance. There may be resistance from the parents, making an intercaste alliance into a more complicated ‘arrangement’ than even the arranged ones.

But then, customs or traditions are seldom the reasons, which can break up relationships. The differences can be easy to handle if you mark out some basic rules for yourself. Especially the bride who may find it unnerving to be amongst people who speak a different  language, dress differently, have distinctly different eating habits  and follow a different set of customs than what she has been used to in her growing years. Naturally it requires a certain mental steeling of sorts.

One of the best ways to save yourself from a culture shock is to familiarize yourself with your husband’s family. If you know, for instance, that your mom-in-law follows and believes in certain religious or traditional customs, you will find it easier to handle the stark difference  when you are in her house. During your visits, take pains and ask questions on how they celebrate different festivals or observe fasts etc. You will find, that there are similar reasons and beliefs at the core of varying customs. It is just the exterior difference. Often, different castes worship different deities, but if you care to understand the philosophy behind the worship, you will soon feel comfortable. It won’t be very different from what your mother told you.

Believe in change. Yeah, surprisingly food habits are reported to be a real trying test in an intercaste marriage. Years of habit and liking rarely change. Idli-dosas may be savoury to your palate for a while, but you will soon start yearning for ‘your kind of food’. Also, some girls say that the different aroma in an unfamiliar kitchen can sometimes put them pickles are different, so are the homemade namkeens. Besides everything smells so differently! New aromas can be strangely alienating, making you homesick for your mom’s kitchen.

But hang on. Can’t you cook your type of meal off and on? Surely you could, unless your in-laws are deliberately hostile. You could introduce some of your favorites recipes now and then. Don’t deprive yourself of the food you love. Find a way around it. LAUGH TOGETHER, LIVE TOGETHER. Humour has no language, no olfactory contradiction. You can laugh in a sari or in a pair of tight fitting trousers. You can laugh if you are married to a Tamilian or if you have decided to wed a Kashmiri Pundit. Loving and living together has a great deal to do with laughing together. Cultivate a sense of humour in life. It should be the most important homework you do before getting married into a family or caste, which differs drastically from your own. You will discover a oneness, a sense of belonging when you find that human traits are the same, despite the difference in pickles, papads or the idol of the deity worshiped.