An Inter Caste Marriage.. Laugh together, Live together!

Aira    Featured Post     Family, Happiness, Humor, Intercaste marriage, Life, Love, Marriage

Well,  What do you think about it??

An intercaste  marriage is a myriad of sweet and sour adjustments. Unlike same caste weddings, the differences begin to show up even before the wedding ceremony takes place. An intercaste marriage raises more than just quizzical eyebrows.

Weddings being all about tradition, customs  and rituals, the differences are many. By and large these are marriages of choice or what we generally call love marriages where the girl and the boy make the initial decision to come together in a martial alliance. There may be resistance from the parents, making an intercaste alliance into a more complicated ‘arrangement’ than even the arranged ones.

But then, customs or traditions are seldom the reasons, which can break up relationships. The differences can be easy to handle if you mark out some basic rules for yourself. Especially the bride who may find it unnerving to be amongst people who speak a different  language, dress differently, have distinctly different eating habits  and follow a different set of customs than what she has been used to in her growing years. Naturally it requires a certain mental steeling of sorts.

One of the best ways to save yourself from a culture shock is to familiarize yourself with your husband’s family. If you know, for instance, that your mom-in-law follows and believes in certain religious or traditional customs, you will find it easier to handle the stark difference  when you are in her house. During your visits, take pains and ask questions on how they celebrate different festivals or observe fasts etc. You will find, that there are similar reasons and beliefs at the core of varying customs. It is just the exterior difference. Often, different castes worship different deities, but if you care to understand the philosophy behind the worship, you will soon feel comfortable. It won’t be very different from what your mother told you.

Believe in change. Yeah, surprisingly food habits are reported to be a real trying test in an intercaste marriage. Years of habit and liking rarely change. Idli-dosas may be savoury to your palate for a while, but you will soon start yearning for ‘your kind of food’. Also, some girls say that the different aroma in an unfamiliar kitchen can sometimes put them pickles are different, so are the homemade namkeens. Besides everything smells so differently! New aromas can be strangely alienating, making you homesick for your mom’s kitchen.

But hang on. Can’t you cook your type of meal off and on? Surely you could, unless your in-laws are deliberately hostile. You could introduce some of your favorites recipes now and then. Don’t deprive yourself of the food you love. Find a way around it. LAUGH TOGETHER, LIVE TOGETHER. Humour has no language, no olfactory contradiction. You can laugh in a sari or in a pair of tight fitting trousers. You can laugh if you are married to a Tamilian or if you have decided to wed a Kashmiri Pundit. Loving and living together has a great deal to do with laughing together. Cultivate a sense of humour in life. It should be the most important homework you do before getting married into a family or caste, which differs drastically from your own. You will discover a oneness, a sense of belonging when you find that human traits are the same, despite the difference in pickles, papads or the idol of the deity worshiped.

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